Moving to a new house must be an important decision in my lifetime. It was about 5years ago, my parents planned to sell out our old house in order to move into a more comfortable environment. As I heard the news, I was shocked for I had been living here for almost 13years, and to me, this house was not only precious but meaningful. In spite of my sorrow and depression, my parents made up their mind immediately and in the long run, my adorable home, distinguishing in my life forever.
That is the first reason why moving to a new house means a lot to me. The second reason is that the surrounding that I used to live is familiar to me and my neighbors are so lovely that I don’t want to leave them.
During the time I stayed at the old house, I had to share the room with my siblings. As a result, I can’t own my privacy. That was really disturbing. Therefore, it’s of great critical for me to have my own room as moving to a new one. Last but not the least, my parents assured me that if we moved out, we can live in a comfortable and bright life.
Although I had to change a lot of behaviors and adapt to the new environment, I still believe that I can live a happy life in my new and dear house.
第二行 sell 就好了 sell out 是賣完 賣光
回覆刪除move into a more comfortable environment
怪怪的吧!! move into 是"搬進..."喔
my adorable home
// adorable 用來形容家 是擬人化嘛XDD
整篇看起來懷舊感的感覺欸 段落有些雜亂! 要注意:D
It was about 5years ago, my parents planned to sell out our old house in order to move into a more comfortable environment.
回覆刪除>>>>
It was about 5 years ago,記得要空ㄧ格
As I heard the news, I was shocked for I had been living here for almost 13years
>>>同上
my parents made up their mind immediately and in the long run, my adorable home, distinguishing in my life forever.
>>>and 要連接兩個動詞
During the time I stayed at the old house, I had to share the room with my siblings.
>>>During 後面要加完成式
有次序很順暢
小地方注意一下就可以
第二行 5years 中間忘了空格
回覆刪除後面的move into a more comfortable environment
因為後面寫的是environment 所以前面應該用move to
其他的都還ok~~
同上篇,四段好雜唷@@
回覆刪除不過寫的還不錯:D
As I heard the news,
回覆刪除用when會不會比較好呢?
I was shocked for I had been living here for almost 13years,
可改成I was shocked because I had been living here for almost 13years,
dear house有點奇怪= =
其他的部分還不錯=)
5years-->5 years
回覆刪除sell out --> sell
In spite of my sorrow and depression, my parents made up their mind immediately and in the long run, my adorable home, distinguishing in my life forever.
-->distinguishing我絕得這裡用這個字怪怪的,然後型態也不對
The second reason is that the surrounding that I used to live is familiar to me and my neighbors are so lovely that I don’t want to leave them.
-->the surrounding that I used to live -->the surrounding where I used to live
我絕得第三段突然改變立場很突然~其他不錯
I was shocked for I had been living here for almost 13years
回覆刪除for後面要加that喔~
不然要接名詞
the surrounding that I used to live is familiar to me~
surrounding是可以數的喔 所以後面動辭要改複數~
然後同上 第3段立場轉變的很突然
感覺有一點矛盾~
就1 2 段很懷舊 看到這裡以為你比較喜歡住在房子
第3段突然變成喜歡新房子了xd
感覺第3段和第2段作文題目不一樣呢o__o
可以在中間+一些句子像是however轉折的那種語句
這樣才可以緩衝喔:)
然後就結構和列點來說很不錯喔B-)
很喜歡你第一段的背景敘述喔
這篇給我的感覺不像作文而像是一篇日記耶@@..
回覆刪除is familiar to >> is familiar with
大致上沒什麼錯誤
只是這種寫作的形式好少見=A=
因為大家都很理性的條列式寫作
可是你好像在做conversation XD