Last year, on September 5, Michael Williams opened a small music store selling compact discs. However, it was out of business on December 19. I was a business administration student and my teacher asked me to analyze this case.
According to my research, the music store was situated at the ground floor. As far as I was concerned, the rent of the store might be a great deal of burden to Michael Williams. I doubted that he couldn’t handle it at all. Second, there were two big music stores 3 miles away from his store. To tell the truth, I thought that it must draw most of the costumers to go there instead of this small music store.
Thirdly, most of the music was hip-hop and rock. Nevertheless, those who entered this store were mostly the ageing from fifty to sixty. It must be a bit odd for the elder to listen to such music like that. The things surprised me most is that the store only opened on Monday to Friday. While the primary customers’ level increased the most during the weekend. It was a kind of weird, wasn’t it?
From the above reasons, we can discover that Michael Williams didn’t make great efforts on running his business. That was why he had to close his store in the long run. I hoped that he can dace this difficulties and embrace his new life.
第八 costumers -> customers
回覆刪除most of the music was hip-hop and rock.
// most types of the music were hip-hop and rock.
ageing from 應該可以不用ing // age from
customers’ level是什麼東西?
dace this difficulties // face
其他就沒什麼問題喽:D
I doubted that he couldn’t handle it at all.
回覆刪除>>>可以改成I doubted that he could't handle it well.
To tell the truth, I thought that it must draw most of the costumers to go there instead of this small music store.
>>>可以改成
I thought that it must draw the attention of most of the costumers to go there instead of the small music store.
Thirdly, most of the music was hip-hop and rock.
>>>Thirdly, most of the music were hip-hop and rock.
Nevertheless, those who entered this store were mostly the ageing from fifty to sixty.
>>>Nevertheless, those who entered this store were mostly aged 50 to 60.
It was a kind of weired, wasn't it?
From the above reasons, we can discover that Michael Williams didn’t make great efforts on running his business.
>>>
我覺得應該不能說沒有付出很多努力吧
可已換成沒有詳細的市場調查
I hoped that he can dace this difficulties and embrace his new life.
>>>dace是??
可以改成overcome these difficulties
文章段落分明
也有具體的表達店家結束營業的原因~ 很棒
有些用詞多多注意便可 :>
I was a business administration student and my teacher asked me to analyze this case.
回覆刪除這句和上面的順序應對調會比較順~
再接一些連接詞According to~就行了~
It must be a bit odd for the elder to listen to such music like that.
to後方有點怪~
such可省=)
I hoped that he can dace this difficulties and embrace his new life.
dace可改成overcome~
這篇很通順喔~
而且補充說明完整!!!
good~
分四段會不會雜?
回覆刪除整體沒大問題，挺順暢的
Nevertheless, those who entered this store were mostly the ageing from fifty to sixty.
回覆刪除ageing 我查到老化唷
-->Nevertheless, those who entered this store were mostly in the age group from fifty to sixty.
The things surprised me most is that the store only opened on Monday to Friday.
--> The things surprised me most is that the store only opened from Monday to Friday.
分析的挺清楚的 還不錯唷!
a business administration student
回覆刪除把自己設成這個角色很棒呢!
ageing from --> aged from
the store only opened on Monday to Friday.
雖然沒有錯～不過我覺得把on改成from會比較順喔>__o
然後我覺得這裡接 It was a kind of weird, wasn’t it? 這句怪怪的xd
然後in the long run這個片語用的很棒喔!
然後dace-->face
剛剛找了一下字典發現真的有dace這個字:))
鰷魚的意思:))))
哈哈~然後整偏寫的很順暢喔 好棒:d
the ageing from fifty to sixty
回覆刪除應該是aged吧@@
such music like that
such 感覺跟like that是一樣的意思
感覺這句話好奇怪唷
during the weekend 建議改成on~
It was a kind of weird, wasn’t it?
kind of代表有一點=somewhat 沒有a喔!!!
this difficulties >> this difficulty
最後說接受新人生很奇怪
應該是接受失敗吧@@~
然後迎向新人生xD