2011年5月18日 星期三
Contrasting-2
I wanted to hire a new English instructor for my school and now I had received two resumes from people for the job. To my mind, I thought both Lynn Whitnall and Debra Fines had great educational backgrounds and working experiences. But eventually I chose the latter one in the long run. Why did I make this decision, followed my words and you would understand. First of all, Debra Fines only studied in New York University. Nevertheless, Debra Fines had already studied in three excellent colleges for more than seven years. Secondly, Debra Fines used to be an English Instructor for three years. Whereas, Lynn Whitnall was more experienced than her. Third, I need someone who is really skilled in English verb tense and Lynn Whitnall can live up to my expectation. While Debra Fines can only speak different kinds of languages but that was not what I wanted. In this way, I believed that Lynn Whitnall was the best candidates for this position. In short, she would be our school's English instructor and I hoped to partner with her happily.
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followed my words and you would understand.
回覆刪除這邊是不是
following和will啊?
Third, I need someone who is really skilled in English verb tense and Lynn Whitnall can live up to my expectation.
這句可以補充因為有出版書籍~
這樣會讓大家更加了解為什麼她符合妳期待!!!
這篇很不錯~
比較和列點都很清楚~
感覺很有結構=)
假如我是Lynn Whitnall 的話,看到這篇會覺得心服口服
回覆刪除因為列點很明確喔!o__<
I wanted to hire a new English instructor for my school and now I had received two resumes from people for the job.
回覆刪除-->這具有now耶~~可是它是過去式
But eventually I chose the latter one in the long run.
-->是former one唷~人物和下面說的不依樣
Why did I make this decision, followed my words and you would understand.
-->沒有conj 直接分開吧
Why did I make this decision? Followe my words and you would understand.
While Debra Fines can only speak different kinds of languages but that was not what I wanted.
這句感覺上下承接的語意有點怪
要注意上下文的人物有沒有說的一致唷
整偏很通順
回覆刪除列點很明確:>>>
整體架構給我的感覺很棒欸~
回覆刪除列點清楚明確~ 寫的好棒:)
and now I had received two resumes from people for the job--> now 和had received 再一起也太奇怪了吧!!
回覆刪除and so far, I have received two ~
第六行 Debra Fines only studied in New York University這個資訊錯了吧 是
Lynn Whitnall only studied in New York University
整個都不錯呢 但是要小心 題目所提供的資訊喔否則可能導致整篇文章的語意錯誤甚至是使觀者誤解呢:D
from people for the job這句感覺是多的而且怪怪的
回覆刪除然後時態用現在是比較適合
而且你第一句有now卻用過去式 感覺有點怪@@
But eventually I chose the latter one in the long run
one要去掉 因為他們不是同性質的物品
in the long run跟eventually重複囉 !!
Wow~ 為何選擇Lynn Whitnall 的理由寫得一清二楚
回覆刪除句子也很流暢 還不錯XDDD