Watching movies is my favorite hobby and the movie that catches my eye most is “Ye Wen”. It talks about a Chinese’s confidence and the determination --his name is Ye Wen. He is really kind and does a great favor to general public who need help.
What Ye Wen does to the Japanese in the history is inspiring. He has also become a model who has stamina to fight against unfair stuffs. I think that he is a real Chinese person who really loves this hometown he lives in. He is a peace lover and tries to protect what he truly believes in his heart. To me, his self-confidence and determination will always encourage me to be what I really want to be.
It talks about a Chinese’s confidence and the determination whose name is Ye Wen. 這裡的關代用whose好像怪怪的~因為前面沒有人
回覆刪除one day the Japanese attack China and think that this land is theirs and doesn’t respect the inhabitants living on this country.
然後這段的動詞宜用過去式喔 因為是很久以前了
the situation is as worst as is can be and he feels anxious but there is nothing he can do to the poor.這行第7個字應該是it??
What Ye Wen does to the Japanese is inspiring every individual and the conduct will protect them from being attacked by other country.然這具看起來沒有很順~一句裡太多動詞了 建議你可以分段
catch one's eye 是一個片語 eye用單數哦
回覆刪除第二段開頭
可以說 To ~ surprise/astonishment/anger等等的形容詞句子會更漂亮唷^^
後面的as + ADJ + as唷 所以是worse
然後是it can be不是is can be哦
第二段第二行
你已經打了10個 Japenses 所以不用people了哦
第二段倒數第三行的meeting是會議嗎@@?
建議改成competition/contest
同一段倒數第二行
as the day comes
>> as the day approach
建議你可以簡略描述葉問贏了日本軍人的過程
因為你說 隨著日子的到臨 葉問打贏日本軍人但是被射殺
這樣子文章有點不合邏輯唷
Ye Wen wins the game but is to be shut
>> Ye Wen won the game but was shut~
people是復數名詞
所以是everyone哦 然後後面就要記的不適用are當動詞囉
irate 好像有拼錯 你是要打"刺激"嗎? irrate 記得加ed
末段倒數第三行
really loves this home town he lives in
>> really loves this howntown which he lives in
建議文章中不要習慣性的打出"and"
當你要承接你上述所說且相關的是事物時再用and
或是你要連接兩件以上事情再用
整篇太多and會影響文章的可看性唷
一起加油:-*
我覺得the movie that catches my eye most is “Ye Wen”. 這句可以在寫的更好唷~
回覆刪除→It talks about a Chinese’s confidence and (the←不用吧) determination
→He is really kind and does a great favor to those who are in need. 有比較好嗎?
What Ye Wen does to the Japanese in the history is inspiring.我覺得這句話怪怪，要the( in the history)嗎?
倒數四Chinese person後面要有person嗎?
待續...:>
What Ye Wen does to the Japanese in the history is inspiring.
回覆刪除這裡要說明他做了什麼事或什麼貢獻,不然沒看過人會霧煞煞
而且突然出現日本人很突兀,可以簡短的提一下日本人對當時的台灣做了什麼壞事
who really loves this hometown he lives in
要加上which唷
我覺得內容的交待要在清楚一點,因為沒看過的人可能會不知道在說什麼,要注意整篇的完整性喔^ ^
倒數二 what he truly believes in his heart.
回覆刪除his heart會不會有點冗贅壓＠＠?
what he truly believes in. 比較有FEEL呢XD
這篇覺得沒有之前寫的好的感覺耶，可能是因為電影已經太久沒記憶了吧:)
我這樣講你會無會傷心壓＠＠!!?
因為是giving reasons
回覆刪除所以可以多用列點的方式(FIRST...)
會有看起來更明確的感覺!
What Ye Wen does to the Japanese in the history is inspiring. 是不適用過去式阿!
He has also become a model who has stamina to fight against unfair stuffs.這句好像也是!
What Ye Wen does to the Japanese in the history is inspiring.這裡是不是比較適合用過去式阿??
回覆刪除He has also become a model who has stamina to fight against unfair stuffs.
stuffs改成affairs是不是比較好???
I think that he is a real Chinese person who really loves this hometown he lives in.
是要說his hometown嗎
To me, his self-confidence and determination..
For me 會不會比較好
這是我更正的地方
參考參考吧!!
to general public// to the general public
回覆刪除What Ye Wen does to the Japanese
// does → did
has stamina to // has the stamina to
he is a real Chinese person
//person 可以省略唷;D
有些句子有點太長了 建議可以稍作修正
這篇看起來比較像是你對葉問這個人的敘述欸
建議可以多詳細說明一些電影內容
看完這篇我覺得葉問真的是個好英勇的偉人唷:D
I think that he is a real Chinese person who really loves this hometown he lives in.
回覆刪除→I think that he is a real Chinese person who very loves this hometown which he lives in.
感覺比較像是寫葉問的傳記!!
可以加點故事情節喔~
第二行的 It talks about a Chinese’s confidence and the determination --his name is Ye Wen. 這句有點看不懂...
回覆刪除對於葉問做過的事 因為是以前發生過的 所以用過去式寫比較好
然後對於他的身分可以再多寫一點 這樣可以讓沒看過這部片的人比較好了解喔~