2011年4月27日 星期三

Comparing-2

    John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, who were two important Americans, had the same Biographical information. First of all, both of them died on July 4, 1826. Second, John Adams played a significant role in the American Revolution. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson played a significant role in the American Revolution. Third, they delegated to the Continental Congress alike. And John Adams, who was one of the signers of Declaration of Independence, is similar to Thomas Jefferson. Next, John Adams used to be the president of U.S. Likewise, Thomas Jefferson used to be the president of U.S. Both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson studied and practiced law. From the above details, you can know that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson had plenty of biographical information.

9 則留言:

  1. 第一句後可以加上
    There are something alike contribution under this paragraph.
    這樣接下去會比較不唐突!

    比較的地方十分明確!
    讓人一目了然~

    and放在句首不太好看!
    可以嘗試用其他像moreover等...代替!

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  2. 用列點的方式讓人可以很了解
    很棒喔o__<
    也有用很多句型呢~

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  3. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, who were two important Americans, had the same Biographical information.
    建議可以把were two改成were both

    目前先這樣!! :>

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  4. Biographical -->biographical

    From the above details, you can know that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson had plenty of biographical information. 結尾為什麼是知道他們有很多資訊??應該是有很多相同或都有很多偉大事績,可以改一下

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  5. 第一點相同就寫掛掉日期好恐怖!!!-ˋˋ-
    我覺得不要第一點寫那個比較好唷~

    And John Adams, who was one of the signers of Declaration of Independence, is similar to Thomas Jefferson. 〝很棒!!



    結論句怪怪,雖然說我也想不出更好的- \-!!

    轉折詞用法建議多跟〝珍儀嬸嬸〃和((玄)))學學他們好棒≧≦

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  6. 我也覺得第一個不要寫掛掉的日期比較好!!
    用列點的方式讓人可以很明瞭,
    但中間也可以加點轉折詞!!
    結論句感覺不太像結論句,
    你應該是想說:
    因為這些資訊讓我們更瞭解他們!
    可以稍微改一下喔~
    不然也可以用珍儀的說法~

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  7. Third, they delegated to the Continental Congress alike.
    >> Third, they were delegates to the Continental Congress. (alike用法錯誤)

    結論句很奇怪而且感覺的出來想的很千強xd
    你可以說藉由上述資料 我們可以更了解什麼什麼之類的

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  8. they delegated to
    // they were delegated to

    is similar to Thomas Jefferson
    //which is similar to Thomas Jefferson

    最後的結尾改一下吧! 我覺得不太好
    雖然瞭解了很多傳記資料是事實
    但是我會覺得可以了解或分辨他的差別是比較好的:D

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  9. 這篇文章讓人一看就知道他們哪裡相似
    是說他們的死亡日期可以放到最後 這樣語意會比較順
    整體而言還不錯喔~

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