2011年4月13日 星期三

Describing a person

I have to tell you something really terrible. I can’t find my friend-Monica, she was missing. Last night, she said that she wanted to have some drinks and went to a convenient store herself just one block away form the hotel we stayed. Two hours passed by, but she didn’t come back. I ran to the store as soon as possible only to find that a clerk standing behind the counter. I called the local police but they told me that my friend didn’t get lose up to 24hr, and maybe she just wanted to walk around.
So, I need your help, my dear friends. I want to find her back. Her name is Monica and she is medium height about 1.6 meters tall. She is slender and cute like a doll. Her hair is curly and brown. Her eyes are really big and blue, just like an angle. She is white-skinned and usually wears a pink lace dress. And last but not the least, she wears a pair of black high-heeled shoes.
That is what I can tell you in my memory. Now, I quite need you to do me this favor. She is truly my best friend, and I very miss her actually. If anyone of you finds her, please call me as fast as you can. My cell phone number is 0983739516. Thanks a lot and have a nice day.      

9 則留言:

  1. 第一行的she was lost 感覺文意有點怪..
    不知道she was missing/she got lost有沒有好點?

    第二行是went to a 不是 went to the唷!:)

    第三行第一個字你打成名詞用法囉 是convenient

    第六行的fool around是整天玩樂的意思
    應該是 walk/look around喔~

    “That can’t be possible” I thought to myself.
    這種os應該不會出現在note上吧@@畢竟是貼在公告版要給人家看的..

    (我是分格線xD)

    內容打的很豐富~
    只是如果是個尋人啟示可以不用打那麼多前言唷:)

    然後only to find用的很好喔:)

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  2. 我覺得你打的很棒耶!!
    幾乎沒看到甚麼錯誤唷
    很棒的一篇文章

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  3. called the local police but they told me that my friend didn’t get lose up to 24hr,

    get lose改成get lost

    angle 改angel

    前面的敘述很逼真很生動唷~
    整個氣氛很恐怖
    像在看恐怖片!!

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  4. And last but not the least, she (wore) a pair of black high-heeled shoes.是過去式喔~

    Thanks a lot (and have a nice day).這句有點太開心的感覺~

    我覺得很不錯喔!!!有蘇西的世界的感覺~
    很令人替他擔心=(

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  5. →Because she didn’t come back for two hours, I rushed out to find her. I ran as fast as I could, but when I got there only to find nobody in the store except for the clerk.
    這樣有好點嗎


    →I called the local police but they told me that my friend didn’t get lose up to 24hr and that she maybe just wanted to fool around.


    That can’t be possible後面要有.吧


    my dear friends可以放在那唷@@?

    中間敘述她的特徵可以加點連接詞或轉折詞唷~



    內容很棒欸我覺得,最後的結尾會讓我想幫你的忙~
    開頭也不錯!

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  6. convenient store herself → ~by herself
    get lose → get lost
    angle→angel
    And last but not the least and應可刪去

    整個故事內容結構很棒喔:>
    營造得好逼真!!連號碼也是=))
    不過很緊急的尋人啟是可能不會寫的那麼詳盡唷:))
    你好棒!!!!!!!!!!!

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  7. 我覺得很棒耶都沒有錯誤是很棒的一篇文章

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  8. 第一行後面 I can’t find my friend-Monica, she was missing 逗號後面接關代比較好喔

    敘述人物特徵的那幾個句子之間可以加上連接詞 這樣比較順~
    讀完這篇文章後會有很迫切要找到你朋友的感覺耶

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  9. 第三行的form是from吧~

    覺得寫的很好耶~
    有感覺到急迫性!!

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